The Ant and the Grasshopper

The Traditional Version

Once upon a time, there was an ant who worked hard in the withering heat all summer long as it built its house and stored up its food supply for the winter. Then, there was this grasshopper who thought the ant was a fool for working so hard, and the grasshopper went his happy-go-lucky way just laughing, dancing, hopping, and playing the summer away.

Come winter, the ant was warm in its house and had plenty of food to eat. On the other hand, the grasshopper had neither food nor shelter, and it died out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself.

The Modern Version

Once upon a time, there was an ant who worked hard in the withering heat all summer long as it built its house and stored up its food supply for the winter. Then, there was this grasshopper who thought the ant was a fool for working so hard, and the grasshopper went his happy-go-lucky way just laughing, dancing, hopping, and playing the summer away.

Come winter, the ant was warm in its house and had plenty of food to eat. On the other hand, the grasshopper, who was shivering in the cold, called the local TV station. When the politically-correct social activists and the ACLU got wind of the grasshopper’s plight, a press conference was immediately called, and the grasshopper along with its sympathizers demanded to know why the ant should be warm and well-fed while others (like the grasshopper) were homeless and starving in the cold.

ABC, CBS, CNN, and NBC showed up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home and table filled with food. The New York Times and the Washington Post also had lengthy write-up against the ant’s good life versus the grasshopper’s misfortune. America was stunned by the sharp contrast! How can it be that in a wealthy country, the poor grasshopper was allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appeared on the Oprah WInfrey Show with the grasshopper, and everybody cried while singing “It’s Not Easy To Be Green”.

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton staged a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news media filmed the group singing “We Shall Overcome”. Jackson and Sharpton then led the demonstrators in prayer as they knelt down to pray for the poor grasshopper’s sake.

John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid vehemently claimed in an interview with Larry King that the ant got rich off the back of the poor grasshopper, and the three all called for an immediate tax hike on all who live comfortably like the ant to make them pay their “fair share”.

Hillary Clinton got her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a discrimination suit against the ant. After a trial before a federal judge bribed by the ACLU and a jury composed mainly of welfare recipients, the ant lost the case.

According to the provisions of the Economic Equality and Anti-Grasshopper Discrimination Act, the ant was fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs. The ant was also fined for delinquent taxes retroactive to the previous summer. Having nothing left to pay for the court costs and exorbitant retroactive taxes, the ant’s home was confiscated by the government.

As the ant disappeared in the snow, the grasshopper could be seen finishing the last bit of the ant’s food while the government house that the grasshopper was given (which was, in fact, the ant’s house) crumbled in disrepair because the grasshopper didn’t do anything to maintain it.

Finally, the story ended as the grasshopper was found dead in a drug-related accident, and the house, which had been abandoned, was taken over by a gang of spiders, who terrorized the formerly peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be very careful how you vote!