Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Chicago residents sunbathe.
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago residents plant gardens.
Italian cars won’t start.
Chicago residents drive with the windows down.
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan’s water gets thicker.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago residents have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago residents throw on a sweatshirt.
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago residents lick the flagpole.
People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago residents get out their winter coats.
Chicago’s Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago’s Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.
Mt. St. Helen’s freezes.
Chicago residents rent some videos.
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Chicago residents get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.
Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
ALL atomic motion stops.
Chicago residents start asking, “Cold ’nuff for ya?”
Hell freezes over.
The Chicago Cubs win the World Series