If AOL built a car

  1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
  2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
  3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
  4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
  5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it’s the NEW model.
  6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just “lockup” for no apparent reason.
  7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots’a pretty colors and lights.
  8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
  9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
  10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
  11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
  12. AOL would pass a new car law prohibiting AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
  13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
  14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
  15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
  16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
  17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
  18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
  19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
  20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
  21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, “Good-bye.”
  22. The car would offer reward points for everything and you would NEVER be able to get them credited to your account.
  23. The car would offer it’s own Long Distance Telephone Service and after six months worth of Emails to and from a bunch of idiots that have neither a 11 digit telephone number nor a valid Email address it would tell you that they pulled their equipment out OF THAT STATE!
  24. The car would lock itself up and not start every week or so and you would have to run over to Circuit City and get another CD to get it started again.
  25. If you either misspelled the car’s name or wanted to change either the spacing or capitalization of its name the manufacturer would either lie and either tell it could not be done or have a bunch of idiots tell you it couldn’t be done.