The wisdom of experience

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

  • I started out with nothing, I still have most of it.
  • My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran.
  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
  • All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
  • I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few …
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  • It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
  • Only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
  • When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses … they’re everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Amen