The Sweetness of Married Life

The newlyweds were only married two weeks, when the husband said to the wife, “Honey I’m going to Hank’s Tavern to have a beer, I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face,” he answered. “I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop, but at the bar — you know — they have frozen glasses …”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious. I won’t be long.. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: Chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

“But my sweet honey, At the bar — you know — there’s swearing, dirty words and all that.”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? THEN LISTEN UP, CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D’OEUVRES RIGHT HERE BECAUSE YOU’RE FREAKIN’ MARRIED NOW AND YOUR SORRY BUTT IS SO NOT GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER! GOT IT, DUMBASS?”

And they lived happily ever after.