Help yourself, friend

Near Fredericksburg, Texas, where there is a large German-speaking population, a farmer walking down a country road notices a man drinking from his pond with his hand. The farmer shouted, “Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahingesheissen.”

Which means, “Don’t drink the water, the cows have pooped in it.”

The man shouted back, “I’m from New York and am just down here campaigning for Obama’s health care plan and gun control legislation, I can’t understand you; speak English.”

The farmer replied, “It’s easier if you use both hands!”