Scientists discover massive ring around Saturn

Scientists at NASA have discovered a nearly invisible ring around Saturn — one so large that it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it.

Resident Obama claimed that this was an example of the “Shovel Ready” projects completed using federal stimulus money.

In a brief announcement from the Oval Office, Resident Obama stated:

“I am proud to announce the completion of the project to build a new ring around Saturn. This project is a perfect example of how the government can take on projects that are simply too big for the private sector, such as providing health insurance for everyone.”

Republicans examining the project called it yet anther complete waste of money that accomplished nothing.

“The ring is made up of ice and dust particles that are so far apart that if you were to stand in the ring, you wouldn’t even know it,” Sen. Jim DeMint said in a statement. “We feel that it would have been much better to build a smaller, more densely-packed ring closer to Saturn, that everyone could enjoy. We also need to determine if any of these ring jobs went to Aliens.”

Union officials decried Senator DeMint’s statement and called him a racist for daring to criticize the project. Bertha Lewis, chief executive of the embattled community group ACORN, told the Associated Press:

Senator DeMint has shown just how racist and insensitive to the feelings of the minority community he and the other evil Bushhitler republithugs are. This project provided thousands of jobs for the communities we serve and we are proud to have administered this program for our beloved dear leader, Resident Obama!”