Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to eight full hours.
ST. MOMMA’S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person…Can we get naked now?”
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to put the toilet seat back down.
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.