Hear about poor art thieves who bungled their getaway? They had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
Did you hear about the man who lived in a tire? He got a puncture, so now lives in a flat.
Just seen a sign outside home supply store: “Stainless Steel Sinks.” Bit obvious, I thought.
Wife: “Did you know butterflies only live for one day?”
Me: “That’s a myth.”
Wife: “No, it’s definitely a butterfly.”
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I’m not hurt, just some super fish oil injuries.