Policeman saw a woman knitting while driving the other day.
“Pull over!” he shouted.
“No, it’s a scarf!” she replied.
Remember, sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made!
I saw a sign today for horse drawn boats. How does a horse even hold a pencil?
I just built a huge tower of books. It had to be at least 50 stories.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I’d like to thank my legs for supporting me, my arms for being by my side, and my fingers — as I can always count on them.
About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather’s back with lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.
I told my mate I had a new job at the bowling alley.
“Tenpin?” he asked.
“No,” I said, “It’s permanent.”
How do you start a Flea Circus? From scratch!
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.