I met my wife at a dance. I thought she was at home with the kids.
Bought the wife a fridge for her birthday. You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
Charles Dickens walks into a cocktail bar. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
Have you heard? Magnesium is shacked up with oxygen? I was like, “OMg!”
Just told the wife she has drawn her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
Everyone who drinks my home-made wine says it tastes horrible. I think it’s just sour grapes.
Feeling tired? There’s a nap for that.
Don’t believe atoms. They make up everything.
Trying to think of a good chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.
I decide which beer I want to drink on a case-by-case basis.
I tried abstinence once, but it left a lot to be desired.