In a bathroom:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a department store:
Bargain basement upstairs …
In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In another office:
After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything — bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness …
In a safari park:
Elephants, please stay in your car.
At a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor.
In a farmer’s field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door — the bell doesn’t work.)
Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter
Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over
Miners refuse to work after death
Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
War dims hope for peace
If strike isn’t settled quickly, it may last a while
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Enfield couple slain; police suspect homicide
Red tape holds up new bridges
Man struck by lightning: Faces battery charge
New study of obesity looks for larger test group
Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft
Kids make nutritious snacks
Local high school dropouts cut in half
Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors
Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead