Dining out

I walked in to a restaurant to have dinner last night. The host greeted me.

Host: Hello.

Me: Hi, table for two, please.

Host: Sure, and your name?

Me: David.

Host: Great. And do you and your guest have your vaccination cards?

Me: We do. Can you tell us who our server will be?

Host: Um, looks like Tom will be your server tonight.

Me: Great. Can you show us Tom’s vaccination card?

Host: Um …

Me: And also, can you provide me with proof that Tom is not a carrier of HIV, Hepatitis A or B, or any other communicable diseases?

Host: Um …

Me: Also, we would prefer not to be served by someone who is on or uses recreational drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, meth, fentanyl, etc., so if you could provide us with Tom’s most recent drug test, that would be great.

Host: Um … Let me get the manager for you.

Me: That would be great, thanks.