Noam Sain

I was thinking

I was thinking: If only 11 million people have Obamacare, how will 24 million people die if it is repealed? Will an additional 13 million people be randomly shot?

Health tip

If you can’t afford to see a doctor, go to any airport. You’ll get a free X-ray and breast exam, and — if you mention Al Qaeda — you’ll get a free colonoscopy.

During his morning rounds, a marine biologist at a major zoo noticed that the dolphins in the aquarium section were trying to get frisky, both with each other and with other sea life in their enclosure. Clearly, something had to be done before visitors started showing up in just a few minutes.