Temperature sensitivity
60 above
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Chicago residents sunbathe.
50 above
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago residents plant gardens.
40 above
Italian cars won’t start.
Chicago residents drive with the windows down.
32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan’s water gets thicker.
20 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago residents have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
15 above
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago residents throw on a sweatshirt.
0
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago residents lick the flagpole.
20 below
People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago residents get out their winter coats.
40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago’s Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago’s Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.
80 below
Mt. St. Helen’s freezes.
Chicago residents rent some videos.
100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Chicago residents get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.
297 below
Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below
ALL atomic motion stops.
Chicago residents start asking, “Cold ‘nuff for ya?”
500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Chicago Cubs win the World Series