Some thoughts for today
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Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written a self-congratulatory new book. It’s called, “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.”
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Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
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The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
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My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it is done.
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The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
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I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
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It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
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A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
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My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines and a large trash can.
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A blonde said, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.”
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Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoying sex.
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My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
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If you need a shoulder to cry on, pull off to the side of the road.