Eleven jokes for today

I met my wife at a dance. I thought she was at home with the kids.

This is your daughter

This is your daughter:

Ten jokes for today

Policeman saw a woman knitting while driving the other day.
“Pull over!” he shouted.
“No, it’s a scarf!” she replied.

Six jokes for today

I’ve just started work as a human chess piece. I’m on knights next week.

Seven jokes for today

Just seen a very confusing book: “Ventriloquism for Dummies.”

My mommy, the exotic dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living.

Five jokes for today

If you buy sub-standard parts for your submarine, is that a good thing?

Important facts to remember as you grow older

• Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Five jokes for today

What’s yellow and swings from tree to tree? Tarzipan.

Five jokes for today

I’ve been reading the stats on the most common way drunks walk. It’s staggering.

Five jokes for today

Hear about poor art thieves who bungled their getaway? They had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Five jokes for today

Why does Belgium get bigger every Christmas? Because Brussels Sprouts.

Five jokes for today

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

The post turtle

While doing an annual physical checkup of a 75 year old rancher, the doctor struck up a conversation with his patient. Eventually the topic got around to Obama’s job as president.

Yeah, we can tell

My neighbors aren’t real happy about this, but I’m saving a bundle …

I’ve disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from Neighborhood Watch.

How did that happen?

The secret’s out

The urbanite and the chain saw

An urbanite is looking to get away from it all, so he buys a remote piece of property that has no utilities, although it does have a small cabin with a wood stove. To get wood for the stove, he decides to cut down some of the trees on his property. So, he goes to a hardware store and picks out a hand saw.

Worst parents of the year