Enhanced senses

If you lose one sense, your other senses become enhanced.

Hermaphrodite newborn

A woman gives birth to a baby. Afterwards, the doctor comes in and says, “I have to tell you something about your baby.”

Windows virus

No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses do:

Saved by an IRS agent

A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25 cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy, at just the wrong moment, and the coin goes straight into his mouth lodging in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

Downsizing practice

Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.

Mommy ate it

For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the boy’s mother allowed him to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

First kiss

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.

Is that a bug or a feature?

At a computer software course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”

Identifying a computer nerd

• Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.

Writing the Declaration of Independence

Mr. Jefferson

Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this Declaration of Independence.

Seduction techniques

HOW A MAN CAN SEDUCE A WOMAN

The heaviest element

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312.

The memory clinic

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”

The best gift

What’s the best gift you can possibly give?

The hesitant potato

What do you call a reluctant potato?

The mute button

My wife asked, “Why do you keep pushing all my buttons?”

The sales interview

This morning, I was at a job interview. The manager handed me a laptop computer and said, “I want you to try to sell this to me.”

Waking up grumpy

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I just let her sleep.

The Dolly Parton Diet

My friend Joe just got done with the Dolly Parton diet.

It all happened so fast

A turtle was crossing the road when he got mugged by two snails.