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New arrivals
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.
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The koala and the lizard
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint.
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President’s day
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year old granddaughter and I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”
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Get connected with Kronies action figures
Get Kronies! Get connected!
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Meanwhile, in Russia
Global warming, Russian style.
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That’s one clever cat
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FLIR video
FLIR = Farts Look Incredibly Stygian.*
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WWJD?
In Washington, D.C., an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
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Things that make you cry out ‘Lord help me!’
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10 pet peeves dogs have about humans
- Blaming your farts on me. Not funny … not funny at all !!!
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When you’re dead
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead. It is difficult only for others.
It is the same when you are stupid.
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The world’s greatest salesman
Dad: “I want you to marry the girl of my choice.”
Son: “No.”
Dad: “The girl I have in mind is the daughter of Bill Gates.”
Son: “OK!”Dad goes to see Bill Gates.
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Where to retire
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where …
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About that apology …
“I would just like to say this to the President in the nicest terms I can: Mr. President, if you liked your apology you can keep it.” — Dennis Miller
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Praying for Obama
Dear Lord,
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Four Mexicans in a rowboat
A U.S. Coast Guard cruiser stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas.
The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?”
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Biting off more than you can chew
A guy who lives at Grand Lake Saint Marys (60 miles north of Dayton, Ohio) saw what looked to be a ball bouncing around strangely in the lake and went to investigate.
It turned out to be a flathead catfish that had apparently tried to swallow a basketball that became stuck in its mouth!
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In photography, timing is everything
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Do you drink beer?
Woman: Do you drink beer?
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From the new Form 1040 on-line
