My great, great, great-grandfather invented in-flight movies

Whatever the cost, it’s worth it

“How much to remove my Obama bumper sticker?”

Making the most of retirement

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, “Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?”

Don’t forget the ‘diversity’

The unindicted co-conspirator.

And a child shall lead them

The miracle of burning the Bush

“This just in … Barack Obama continues to fail, and it’s still George Bush’s fault.”

99 Red Balloons

“The president is hiding in the attic.”

Try ‘Brazilian’

“What comes after a trillion?”

Presidential humor

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate. — Leno

Strange bed-fellows

NBC: (to ABC) “Aren’t we enough: Why does he keep talking about some Fox he can’t get?”

Hope it doesn’t change any further

The perks of aging

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run — anywhere.
4. People call at 9 P.M. and ask, did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

Procrastination

At least he’s leading by example

“The recession is over.”

What a track record

“Government can fix health care.”

How to save the airline industry

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Chicago-style community organizing

“They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue!”

(In-) Action Figure

Who knew?

The hot-air hoax