• Idiot sightings

    We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large enough” motor on the opener.

  • ACORN cap with the nut still attached

    ACORN cap with the nut still attached

  • .577 T-Rex Rifle

  • Two-story outhouse

    Two-story outhouse

  • Scientists discover massive ring around Saturn

    Scientists at NASA have discovered a nearly invisible ring around Saturn — one so large that it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it.

  • Hydrogen Barackside

    “Kills capitalism on contact”

  • Tolerance rules

    by James Kalb

  • Modern-day Cowboy

    A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.

  • The immigration fairy

    A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.

  • Bear scientists

    A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears. Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to New York and onward west to Yellowstone.

  • The half-wit

    A small business owner was investigated by an agent from the State Labor Commissioner, Dept. of Industrial Relations, Division of Labor Standards, Fair Employment and Housing Enforcement. She claimed the owner was not paying proper employee wages and she demanded a list of his employees and an accounting of their wages.

  • What would be do without the experts?

    “Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison”

  • Brilliant dogs

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called to his dog. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

  • Punny Statements

    If you’re a logophile — a lover of words — you might find yourself cringing as you read these.

  • Thought for the day

    Eternity is a very long time, especially near the end.

  • Poser for the day

    If brevity is the soul of wit, how does one explain Twitter?

  • Now that’s a hotline!

    I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

  • NBA or NFL?

    There is a certain organization here in the U.S. Of the members of this organization:

  • Texas humor

    The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.

  • Tennessee humor

    A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?” The driver replied, “‘Bout whut?”