• How to annoy others

    1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
    2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
    3. Insist that your e-mail address be: [email protected]
    4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
    5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
    6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
    7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
    8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
    9. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors”
    10. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
    11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
    12. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
    13. dontuseanypunchtuationorspaces
    14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
    15. Ask people what sex they are.
    16. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
    17. Sing along at the opera.
    18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
    19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
    20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you’re going. For example: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.
    21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
    22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
    23. Hum when you ride an elevator.
    24. AnD tHe FiNal wAy tO aNnOy PeOple: Send this to everyone in your address book, even the person who sent it to you!

  • Writing tips

    1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
    4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
    6. Be more or less specific.
    7. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
    8. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
    9. No sentence fragments.
    10. Don’t use no double negatives.
    11. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  • Comparing medical procedures

    Two little kids are in a hospital laying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room.

  • Tips on moving out of the city

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

  • Know your history

    It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. the teacher greeted the class and said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me death’?”

  • Too much togetherness?

    The woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

  • Who’s your daddy?

    Hard to believe, but the following are replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing “father’s details.” These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out #11. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up. Five surely gets “most creative.”

  • Barry could have won in absentia

    Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: “Contest to find the most beautiful woman in the world.”

  • Texas rabbit attacks snake

  • Political bumper stickers

    So, how’s that “hope” and “change” working out for you?

  • Husband of the Year Awards

    The honorable mention goes to the United Kingdom …

  • Nine Words Women Use

    1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

  • God is in the details

    An English professor wrote the words, “a woman without her man is nothing” on the board, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

  • Riddle for the day

    Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Nancy Pelosi were riding a donkey along the edge of a cliff. The donkey spooked and jumped off the cliff. Who was saved?

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take Five

    To the optimist, the glass is half full.

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take Three

    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take Two

    An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take One

    Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

  • What did you learn in college today?

    The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

  • Take this job and shove it

    On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand.