• Husband of the Year Awards

    The honorable mention goes to the United Kingdom …

  • Nine Words Women Use

    1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

  • God is in the details

    An English professor wrote the words, “a woman without her man is nothing” on the board, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

  • Riddle for the day

    Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Nancy Pelosi were riding a donkey along the edge of a cliff. The donkey spooked and jumped off the cliff. Who was saved?

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take Five

    To the optimist, the glass is half full.

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take Three

    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take Two

    An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

  • Comprehending Engineers — Take One

    Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

  • What did you learn in college today?

    The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

  • Take this job and shove it

    On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand.

  • Merge-Matic books

    From the Washington Post Invitational contest, which calls them Merge-Matic Books: Readers were asked to combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable blurb:

  • Finally! A straight answer from tech support

    This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording, monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for “Termination without Cause.” (Now I know why they record these conversations!)

  • That’s the beer talking

    Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”

  • Private hells

    A doctor died and went to hell. He was met at the gate and asked to stand in a room and wait for Satan. After four hours Satan finally appeared.

  • Engineers get no respect

    Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?

  • Tradition

    During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Sh’ma prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.

  • Helpful tips

    Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

  • Driving styles

    One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.

  • Speed thrills

    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!!,” so he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

  • Bar stool wisdom

    “A marriage license should be like a fishing license.”