• Santa Claus learns Unix 

    better !pout !cry

  • Cold enough for you?

    A Chicago man dies and goes to hell. When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says “sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here,” the man says, “no problem. I’m from Chicago.”

  • Jesus’ nationality

    THREE INDICATIONS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:

  • Dear Tech Support …

    Dear Technical Support:

  • Expert (dead) horsemanship

    A simpleminded person might say that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

  • Pied Piper Revisited

    A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price.

  • He’s a stud

    Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?”

  • Here’s one for the guys in tech support

    A cannibal goes to the human meat market to buy a brain for his lunch (as one would). He sees a little poster that boasts about the quality of IT professional brains that are currently on sale.

  • Global warming protest

    Global warming protest

  • Youth vs. experience

    An elderly man in Northern Mississippi had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back fixed up nice: picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

  • Heavenly Reward

    After his death, Osama bin Laden didn’t go to heaven, but to a holding area.

  • Things my mother taught me

    1. RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

  • Better make it a double

    Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman.”

  • Where Obama gets his supporters

    A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.

  • At least he’ll be remembered

    Joe’s Last Will and Testament provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

  • Answer to a prayer

    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

  • A big loss for the Summer Olympics

    President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the next Summer Olympics.

  • Scientific product labeling

    As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century atomic physics. We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of EVERY product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our suggested list of warnings appears below.

  • The Ten Commandments

    The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:

  • Los Angeles math test

    NAME ____________________