Rules for dating my daughter

Rule One:

The liberal UC San Francisco Math Placement Test

1. Zelda and Jane were given a Rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of one mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?

The icing looked perfect

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When he had finished, he brought them to the table.

Un-happy birthday

One man was explaining to another why he fired his secretary.

For sale: White Privilege Card

For Sale: My White Privilege Card. Over 50 years old but in mint condition. Never been used. Reason for selling: It hasn’t done any thing for me! No free college, no free food, no free housing, no free anything. I’ve had to go to work every day of my life while paying a boatload of taxes to carry those who chose not to work. If interested, I prefer cash but willing to do an even trade for a Victim Card which seems much more widely accepted and comes with countless benefits.

Moses and the Red Sea

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

Gorilla removal service

A lady wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in her tree. She looks in the phone book and finds a gorilla removal service.

It all makes sense now

Here’s something everyone should know:

Get your money out of your Ford Model T

Dear Sir: —