Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Keep honking, I’m reloading.

Hang up and drive.

Lord save me from your followers.

Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Friends don’t let friends drive naked.

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.