Dating application
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
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What is your name, age, social security number, IQ and boy scout rank?
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Do you have one male and one female parent? __ If “No”, explain:
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Do you own or have access to a van? __
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A truck with oversize tires? __
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waterbed? __
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Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? __
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Do you have a tattoo? __
If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.
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In fifty words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
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In fifty words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
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In fifty words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
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In fifty words or less, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?
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Church/Temple you attend: __________
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How often do you attend: __________
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When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? __________
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Please fill in the blanks: If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my __________ If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my __________ A woman’s place is in the __________ The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is __________ When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is __________
Note: If answer to last question begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue and leave premises — keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised
What do you want to be IF you grow up?
I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _____________
Signature of father ____________
Signature of mother ____________
Signature of priest/rabbi ____________
Signature of State Representative ________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.