Dating application
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
-
What is your name, age, social security number, IQ and boy scout rank?
-
Do you have one male and one female parent? ____ If “No”, explain:
-
Do you own or have access to a van? ____
-
A truck with oversize tires? ____
-
waterbed? ____
-
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____
-
Do you have a tattoo? ____
If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.
-
In fifty words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
-
In fifty words or less, what does DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
-
In fifty words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
-
In fifty words or less, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?
-
Church/Temple you attend: __________
-
How often do you attend: __________
-
When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? __________
-
Please fill in the blanks: If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my __________. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my __________. A woman’s place is in the __________. The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is __________. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is __________.
Note: If answer to last question begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue and leave premises — keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised
What do you want to be IF you grow up?
I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father ____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of priest/rabbi ________________________________
Signature of State Representative ________________________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.