—- title: “Welcome to the neighborhood” author: “Noam Sain” layout: post —-

How to score: 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.

1. ___ Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk”.

2. ___ The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

3. ___ The cat is on Valium.

4. ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

5. ___ You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.

6. ___ The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

7. __ No one has _time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

8. ___ “Family meetings” are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

9. ___ You have to check your kid’s day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

10. ___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates.

How you rate: 30 — a perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!

20-29 — You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in your life. Crank it up.

10-19 — You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?

0-9 — Enjoying all that extra time? What do you do anyway?