Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America is there handicap parking outside a skating rink.
Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store for prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers and a diet Coke.
Only in America do they have drive up ATM machines with braille lettering.
Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain their pens to the counters.
Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage.
Only in America do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America do we use the word politics to describe our process. In Latin “poli” means “many” and “ticks” means “bloodsucking creatures.”
Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger get elected to public office.
What a country!