Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?

A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?

A. Who cares?

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. When would you want a man’s company?

A. When he owns it.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?

A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q. Why do men get married?

A. So they don’t have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Q. What are a woman’s four favorite animals?

A. A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a jackass to pay for it all.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A. So men can remember them.

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?

A. So they can find their way back to the house.

Q: Why were hurricanes usually named after women?

A: Because when they arrive, they’re wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and car.