60 above

Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.

Chicago residents sunbathe.

50 above

New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.

Chicago residents plant gardens.

40 above

Italian cars won’t start.

Chicago residents drive with the windows down.

32 above

Distilled water freezes.

Lake Michigan’s water gets thicker.

20 above

Californians shiver uncontrollably.

Chicago residents have the last cook-out before it gets cold.

15 above

New York landlords finally turn up the heat.

Chicago residents throw on a sweatshirt.


Californians fly away to Mexico.

Chicago residents lick the flagpole.

20 below

People in Miami cease to exist.

Chicago residents get out their winter coats.

40 below

Hollywood disintegrates.

Chicago’s Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below

Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.

Chicago’s Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below

Mt. St. Helen’s freezes.

Chicago residents rent some videos.

100 below

Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

Chicago residents get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.

297 below

Microbial life survives on dairy products.

Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below

ALL atomic motion stops.

Chicago residents start asking, “Cold ‘nuff for ya?”

500 below

Hell freezes over.

The Chicago Cubs win the World Series