9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

8. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen’s character on “The West Wing.”

7. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is “That Bob Vila guy.”

6. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.

5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, “The state or the DC thingie?”

4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, “You wanna wrestle?!?”

3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.

2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, “I win!”

1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a lifeline.