Hear about poor art thieves who bungled their getaway? They had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Did you hear about the man who lived in a tire? He got a puncture, so now lives in a flat.

Just seen a sign outside home supply store: “Stainless Steel Sinks.” Bit obvious, I thought.

Wife: “Did you know butterflies only live for one day?”

Me: “That’s a myth.”

Wife: “No, it’s definitely a butterfly.”