I’ve been reading the stats on the most common way drunks walk. It’s staggering.

A man who took an airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Did you hear the carrot died? There was a big turnip at the funeral.

Wife: Why’s everything got to be a game with you?

Me: An excellent question, but next time use the buzzer.

The London Octogenarian League, known as “LOL” would like to clarify that being eighty is no laughing matter.