In a bathroom:

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

In a laundromat:

Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In a department store:

Bargain basement upstairs …

In an office:

Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In another office:

After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

Outside a second-hand shop:

We exchange anything — bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Notice in health food shop window:

Closed due to illness …

In a safari park:

Elephants, please stay in your car.

At a conference:

For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor.

In a farmer’s field:

The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

Message on a leaflet:

If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door:

We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door — the bell doesn’t work.)


Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter

Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over

Miners refuse to work after death

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

War dims hope for peace

If strike isn’t settled quickly, it may last a while

Cold wave linked to temperatures

Enfield couple slain; police suspect homicide

Red tape holds up new bridges

Man struck by lightning: Faces battery charge

New study of obesity looks for larger test group

Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft

Kids make nutritious snacks

Local high school dropouts cut in half

Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors

Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead