“Research shows that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.”

Dwarf research

“Police toilet stolen! Cops have nothing to go on.”

Police toilet stolen

“Do memory foam mattresses wish they could forget?”

Amnesia foam mattresses?

“Optometrists live longer because they dilate.”

Optometrists die late

“Cows have hooves because they lactose.”

Cows lack toes

“An alcoholic tried to become a lawyer but couldn’t pass the bar”

He couldn't pass the bar