Q: What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?

A: “Is anything all right?”

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?

A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb?

A: (Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll sit in the dark, I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.

A bum walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”

“Force yourself,” she replied.

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?

A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, “Mom, I’m bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She’s a Native American and her name is Shooting Star.”

“How nice,” says his mother.

“I have an Indian name too,” he says. “It’s ‘Running Water’ and you have to call me that from now on.”

“How nice,” says his mother.

“You have to have an Indian name too, Mom,” he says.

“I already do,” says the mother … “Just call me Sitting Shiva.”

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he’s been given a part in the school play.

“Wonderful. What part is it?” she asks.

The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”

The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

A man calls his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?”

“Not too good,” says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”

The son says, “Why are you so weak?”

She says, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”

The man says, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?

The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”