WRONG SHUI (Pronounced “Rong Shoe Ee,” originated by Master Eu Plon Ka)

A selection of wrong shui tenets from The Little Book Of Wrong Shui, by Rohan Candappa, Ebury Press, 1999 ISBN 0091869765

Nice To See You
Attract visitors to your home by placing stereo, video and computer equipment where they can be seen from the road.
Defend Your Sacred Spaces
The space directly in front of your home is sacred. It is here that you should practise Wrong Shui’s sister art of Ka Pa King. On no account let anyone occupy this sacred space.
Use Your Loaf
If your toast always lands butter-side down, plan ahead. Butter the other side instead.
Doors
Try to ensure that your front door is at the edge of your home. Internal front doors are bad Wrong Shui.
A Bright Idea
If parts of your home are prone to darkness, a light, carefully located, will solve the problem.
The Ups And Downs Of Stairs
Stairs going up are good Wrong Shui. In your home only have stairs going up.
Go With The Flow
Flowing water is good Wrong Shui. So when winter approaches, remove a couple of tiles or slates from the roof of your home.
Spread A Little Warmth
Fridges are, as a rule, cold unwelcoming places. Resolve the problem by always leaving the door slightly ajar.
Home Sweat Home
Condensation on windows is only the atmosphere of your home condensed into its liquid essence. Collect it in Tupperware beakers and sprinkle it anywhere you want to feel more homely.
“Hello, I’ve Just Moved In”
When moving into a new home, an old fridge or washing machine positioned carefully by the path to your front door will help you to meet your neighbours.

And finally, what we all need to know:

Wisdom Of The East
It is an indisputable fact that wisdom from the East is far better than wisdom from the West. When speaking to a group of friends or colleagues, stand in the east of the room and what you say will be taken more seriously.