• The U.S. Air Force: Solving problems since 1947

    Air Force General: “Mr. President, we’ve just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One.”

  • Seen on the streets of Bismarck, ND

    Turd Burglar

  • Gracie Allen’s Classic Roast Beef Recipe

    1 large roast of beef

  • Creative homeless signs

    Creative homeless signs

  • High school graduation in Detroit

    A student played high school football in Detroit. He was a great running back, but a really poor student.

  • Next time, write it down

    An elderly couple returns home from meeting with a doctor about their increasingly frequent bouts of forgetfulness. The doctor recommended that they write down as much as they can to help them remember what they’ve done, and what they need or want to do.

  • Getting to heaven

    A Sunday School teacher was testing children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

  • Punography

    I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

    When chemists die they barium.

  • New arrivals

    All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

    The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. “I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the S.O.B. clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me, and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.” The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

  • The koala and the lizard

    A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint.

  • President’s day

    I was eating breakfast with my 10-year old granddaughter and I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”

  • Get connected with Kronies action figures

    Get Kronies! Get connected!

  • Meanwhile, in Russia

    Global warming, Russian style.

  • That’s one clever cat

    Schrodingers cat

  • FLIR video

    FLIR = Farts Look Incredibly Stygian.*

  • WWJD?

    In Washington, D.C., an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

  • Things that make you cry out ‘Lord help me!’

    grizzly

  • 10 pet peeves dogs have about humans

    • Blaming your farts on me. Not funny … not funny at all !!!
  • When you’re dead

    When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead. It is difficult only for others.

    It is the same when you are stupid.

  • The world’s greatest salesman

    Dad: “I want you to marry the girl of my choice.”
    Son: “No.”
    Dad: “The girl I have in mind is the daughter of Bill Gates.”
    Son: “OK!”

    Dad goes to see Bill Gates.