Five jokes for today

Hear about poor art thieves who bungled their getaway? They had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Five jokes for today

Why does Belgium get bigger every Christmas? Because Brussels Sprouts.

Five jokes for today

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

The post turtle

While doing an annual physical checkup of a 75 year old rancher, the doctor struck up a conversation with his patient. Eventually the topic got around to Obama’s job as president.

Yeah, we can tell

My neighbors aren’t real happy about this, but I’m saving a bundle …

I’ve disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from Neighborhood Watch.

How did that happen?

The secret’s out

The urbanite and the chain saw

An urbanite is looking to get away from it all, so he buys a remote piece of property that has no utilities, although it does have a small cabin with a wood stove. To get wood for the stove, he decides to cut down some of the trees on his property. So, he goes to a hardware store and picks out a hand saw.

Worst parents of the year

What causes arthritis?

A disheveled man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway car next to a priest.

The beauty of love

An old man lay dying in his bed when lo and behold, he smelled the aroma of his favorite food — chocolate chip cookies — wafting up the stairs.

General Public Notice

Please be advised I am sick to death of receiving questions about my dog who mauled:

Don’t underestimate old guys

The Wyoming banker saw his old friend Tom, an 80-year-old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a “mail order” bride.

Channel surfing

My wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

A little-known tidbit of naval history

The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers).

A contemporary romance story

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

Now that’s what you call drunk driving

This Dodge truck belongs to a hard-core drinker.

Best pool shot ever by a naked white chick

Ban fox hunting

We in no way support any type of gun control, but after seeing this we are — unfortunately — believe that something needs to change.