• The new flat tax

    In a press conference Thursday, Obama administration spokesman Robert Gibbs responded to an inquiry seeking to clear up the reasoning behind a 40 percent tax increase on aspirin.

  • The safe driver

    A Texas State Trooper pulled a car over near Ft. Hood and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 dollars in the statewide safety competition. “What are you going to do with the money? “ asked the policeman. “Well, I guess I’m going to get a driver’s license,” he answered. “Oh, don’t listen to him, “ yelled a woman in the passenger seat. “He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.” This woke up the guy in the back seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.” At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, in Spanish, “Are we over the border yet?”

  • Fairy tales

    A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once Upon A Time’?”

  • Driving lessons

    A group of youths stole a car, and Juan — having the most experience in this sort of thing — was the one who climbed behind the wheel.

  • How to deal with telemarketers

    1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

  • Mark his words

    A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

  • Temperature sensitivity

    60 above

  • Jesus v. Satan

    Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who had better computer skills. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going test you, and after two hours I will judge who does the better job.”

  • Wild things

    An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair all different colors — green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

  • Giving thanks: Then and now

    When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework assignment to write an essay on “something I am thankful for.” Then I’d spend a lot of time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in the world that could possibly be; and I’d end up writing down everything I could think of from God to environmental consciousness. But after having children, my priorities have clearly changed:

  • Explaining The ‘Stimulus Bill’

    An economics student approached the professor and said, “I still don’t understand this stimulus thing. Can you explain it to me?”

  • Biggest boobs in the world

    Caution: If you are easily offended, don’t look! Here is a photo of a woman with the biggest boobs in the world.

  • A novel approach to saving money

    Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?,” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

  • Headlines from The Year 2029

    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

  • New gizmo from Sony (language warning)

  • Gentle words for our age

    Imagine if instead of cryptic, geeky error messages, your computer produced haiku …

  • New Words

    Here is the Washington Post’s “Mensa Invitational,” which once again has asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, then supplying a new definition.

  • Steven Wright wrecks

    Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

  • How to relax

    Picture yourself near a stream …

  • At least they bought the cow

    A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for only 1,000 rubles. So, naturally, they got the cow from Minsk.