Don’t even try to compete with these guys

Don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition.

More signs

“Research shows that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.”

The latest technology

It dries the washing using the very latest technology — a combination of solar and wind power.

Healthy doughnut fact

DONUT FACT #18: Donuts are healthier than Crystal Meth.

Is this too much lettuce?

Be honest. Is this too much lettuce?

Don’t need to say a word

My wife’s female intuition is so highly developed, she sometimes knows I’m wrong before I’ve even opened my mouth.

That first kiss

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad that you are alive?

Eat cake

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.

Anything you say

“Anything you say can be used against you.”

D’oh!

California Freedom

When God created the cat

On the first day of creation, God created the cat.

Give me patience

“Lord, please give me patience, because if you give me strength I’ll need bail money too.”

When you’re told something is ‘military grade’

When you’re told something is “military grade.”

Double-masking

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Library changes

PLEASE NOTE: We’ve moved a few books around. Travel is now in the Fantasy section, Sci-Fi in current affairs and Epidemiology is in Self Help.

Funnies for today

Did you know? By replacing your potato chips with grapefruit as a snack you can lose up to 90% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

My new favorite store

Meet ‘Budd,’ the driving dog

Dog drives a car to the casino.

GPS says …

“GPS says turn left now!”