A different kind of drug problem

Dear sir;

Looks as though we need a new list

I just read a list of 100 things you should do before you die. I’m surprised “yell for help” wasn’t one of them.

Nap time

I was thinking

I was thinking: If only 11 million people have Obamacare, how will 24 million people die if it is repealed? Will an additional 13 million people be randomly shot?

Health tip

If you can’t afford to see a doctor, go to any airport. You’ll get a free X-ray and breast exam, and — if you mention Al Qaeda — you’ll get a free colonoscopy.

You’re under arrest

During his morning rounds, a marine biologist at a major zoo noticed that the dolphins in the aquarium section were trying to get frisky, both with each other and with other sea life in their enclosure. Clearly, something had to be done before visitors started showing up in just a few minutes.

Early adopter

Doctor’s orders

Know your managers

Is it a Dodge or a Ram?

(Gimme Some of That) Ol’ Atonal Music

Concealed carry in California

Moose hunting in Canada

Two hunters, Otis and Elmer, got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness where they managed to bag two big bull moose.

The lost chopper pilot

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position, or the course needed to fly to the airport.

The lost balloonist

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The impossible phone challenge

The white Christmas

December 8 — 6:00 p.m.

Christmas funnies

Living rent-free in his head

Antigonish

You’re not the boss of me

“Don’t tell me what to do!!”