Give me patience

“Lord, please give me patience, because if you give me strength I’ll need bail money too.”

When you’re told something is ‘military grade’

When you’re told something is “military grade.”

Double-masking

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Library changes

PLEASE NOTE: We’ve moved a few books around. Travel is now in the Fantasy section, Sci-Fi in current affairs and Epidemiology is in Self Help.

Funnies for today

Did you know? By replacing your potato chips with grapefruit as a snack you can lose up to 90% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

My new favorite store

Meet ‘Budd,’ the driving dog

Dog drives a car to the casino.

GPS says …

“GPS says turn left now!”

Speeding ticket

DRIVER

“What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?”

It’s that day … again

“Well, it’s new variant day … again.”

Jill says ‘stop’

Please stop. He thinks his name is Brandon.

WH leaks continue

“White House whistleblower claims strangers drag him from place to place and make him sign papers and read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.”

Don’t be one of them

People who confuse the words “burro” and “burrow” don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.

Why life jackets should be mandatory

We have to protect the protected swimmers, who are already wearing life jackets, from the unprotected swimmers. That’s the way it works.

Never squat while wearing spurs

Wit and wisdom from Will Rodgers.

Inner peace

• If you can start the day without caffeine …

Do you feel like I do?

I am sorry I have not been very responsive lately. I have been somewhat under the weather. My doctors have diagnosed me as having an acute case of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic White House Fatigue, AKA PIST-AWF.

Bad dog!

Noted progressive animal nutritionist Lysenko Wang shows off her vegan dog.

Perspective

The next time you’re feeling down, remember life is all about perspective.

Dining out

I walked in to a restaurant to have dinner last night. The host greeted me.