• Don’t try to test God

    A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

  • Cowboys and Muslims

    Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights.

  • And don’t ever scorn her

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

  • The Idiot Report

    The following are from a January 5 column by John Krueger, Editor of the Light and Champion newspaper in Center, Texas.

  • It’s the thought that counts

    The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?”

  • The balloonist

    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

  • Plan of action

    If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee — that will do them in.

  • Guess Who I Am?

    • I was born in one country, raised in another. My father was born in another country. I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.

  • Da soop kichen

    Recently Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a government funded soup kitchen.

  • Comparing our deities

    Q: What do Barack Obama and God have in common?

  • Toddler property laws

    1. If I like it, it’s mine.
    2. If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
    3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
    4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
    5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
    6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
    7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
    8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.

  • Don’t drink and drive

    There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

  • Quotidian haiku

    Hey! Get back indoors. Whatever you were doing Could put an eye out.

  • Computer terminology

    486 — The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

  • ‘Big O’ stamp

    The U.S. Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Resident Obama. There was one problem, though: The stamp was not sticking to envelopes.

  • ID, please

    A young man asks for a ticket for an R-rated movie and hands me his ID. I’m about to sell him the ticket when the lady behind him speaks up.

  • Don’t think that …

    … Just because I have a short attention span doesn’t mean I

  • The wisdom of experience

    Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

  • Powers of observation

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

  • The history of pharmacology

    2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root