• Cowboys and Muslims

    Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights.

  • And don’t ever scorn her

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

  • The Idiot Report

    The following are from a January 5 column by John Krueger, Editor of the Light and Champion newspaper in Center, Texas.

  • It’s the thought that counts

    The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?”

  • The balloonist

    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

  • Plan of action

    If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee — that will do them in.

  • Guess Who I Am?

    • I was born in one country, raised in another. My father was born in another country. I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.

  • Da soop kichen

    Recently Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a government funded soup kitchen.

  • Comparing our deities

    Q: What do Barack Obama and God have in common?

  • Toddler property laws

    1. If I like it, it’s mine.
    2. If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
    3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
    4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
    5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
    6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
    7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
    8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.

  • Don’t drink and drive

    There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

  • Quotidian haiku

    Hey! Get back indoors. Whatever you were doing Could put an eye out.

  • Computer terminology

    486 — The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

  • ‘Big O’ stamp

    The U.S. Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Resident Obama. There was one problem, though: The stamp was not sticking to envelopes.

  • ID, please

    A young man asks for a ticket for an R-rated movie and hands me his ID. I’m about to sell him the ticket when the lady behind him speaks up.

  • Don’t think that …

    … Just because I have a short attention span doesn’t mean I

  • The wisdom of experience

    Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

  • Powers of observation

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

  • The history of pharmacology

    2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root

  • How to annoy others

    1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
    2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
    3. Insist that your e-mail address be: [email protected]
    4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
    5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
    6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
    7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
    8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
    9. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors”
    10. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
    11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
    12. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
    13. dontuseanypunchtuationorspaces
    14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
    15. Ask people what sex they are.
    16. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
    17. Sing along at the opera.
    18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
    19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
    20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you’re going. For example: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.
    21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
    22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
    23. Hum when you ride an elevator.
    24. AnD tHe FiNal wAy tO aNnOy PeOple: Send this to everyone in your address book, even the person who sent it to you!