• The Sahara Forest

    A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.

  • Describe your average night

    Doctor
    Describe your average night.

  • Not old, just honest

    There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

  • Where’s that button?

    My wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

  • Mastering Wrong Shui

    WRONG SHUI (Pronounced “Rong Shoe Ee,” originated by Master Eu Plon Ka)

  • Common sense

    Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

  • Changing a light bulb

    How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  • Frog or prince?

    Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

  • How you know you’ve been a roadie too long

    You’ve been a roadie too long when:

  • Beautiful Switzerland

    In an earlier time Switzerland was flat. Flat and featureless from border to border.

  • The prisoner

    A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.

  • Lost hunting skills

    I am so glad that I don’t have to actually hunt for my food. I have no clue where gluten free tacos live.

  • Bass lessons

    One day, a kid says “Daddy, daddy, I want to learn to play the bass.” So dad hooks him up with lessons.

  • Airplane facts

    1. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

  • He got his wish

    A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

  • Name, please?

    Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting in that park every sunny day for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each others’ friendship.

  • I am not on drugs

    A bear walked into a bar in Billings, Montana and sat down. He banged on the bar with his paw demanding a beer. The bartender approached saying, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”

  • Bread in captivity

    I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

  • You know your cat is getting old when …

    • It goes from 22 hours of happy-go-lucky, kittenish sleep per day to 21 hours of restless, fitful sleep per day.

  • That darned English language

    1. The bandage was wound around the wound.