Where are my Milk Duds?

Her:

Did you eat my Milk Duds?

Treating TDS

Ask your doctor about Independence.

The mainstream media today

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to bite her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

Try Abrain (advertisement)

I used to believe everything I’d see on the news. But that’s before I discovered Abrain.

It’s a fine line

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Weight loss goal

Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.

Hidden talents

I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.

Jewish telegram

Jewish telegram: “Begin worrying. Details to follow.”

Exercise helps

Exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.

In the beginning …

In the Beginning,

The meaning of Passover

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:

Finally at peace

Now OJ can rest knowing that his wife’s killer is dead.

The meaning of Easter

A Sunday School teacher asked her class of young children a very simple question, or so she thought. She asked, “What is Easter?”

Better for the planet

This van is electric and better for the planet

Super Bowl

My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Mount Rushmore

I present you Mount Rushmore before it was carved. This picture is unpresidented.

Modern times

You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

Oriental wisdom

That’s not right.

Sum Ting Wong

Government still goes bankrupt

“The government needs to take care of everything!””

Great moments in history

3050 B.C. — A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.