• Planning for the future

    A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

  • Life in Lake Havasu City

    You can say 128 degrees without fainting.

  • Black vs. white

    Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

  • Riddle gone awry

    About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail Gorbachev at the Kremlin. When he got him alone for a moment, he said to Gorbachev, “Mikhail, can you help me with a problem? I have some doubts about one of the key people under me. How do you decide that someone is smart enough to work for you?”

  • Family get-together

    Morris calls his son in New York. and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.”

  • Signs that you might have a moron for president

    9. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

  • Hello! It’s the Superbowl!

    For his great work, Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.

  • Top ten ways the Bible would have been different if written by college students

    10. Loaves and Fishes replaced by pizza and beer.

  • Did you know …

    All polar bears are left handed.

  • Signs that you might be getting old

    1. You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
    2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
    3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.
    4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
    5. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
    6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
    7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
    8. When happy hour is a nap.
    9. When you’re on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
    10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to You, and you always hated it.
    11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
    12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
    13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
    14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
    15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
    16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
    17. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
    18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
    19. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
    20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
    21. It takes twice as long — to look half as good.
    22. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt — doesn’t work.
    23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
    24. You sink your teeth into a steak — and they stay there.
    25. You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.
    26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care anymore.
    27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
    28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.

  • Priceless

    8 beers – $32

  • Animal personalities

    Different pets have profoundly different personalities. Some are smarter than others, some more willing to help “their” humans. When critters are asked to change the light bulb, their replies vary dramatically:

  • Various views of the cattle business

    DEMOCRAT

  • The lie clock

    A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter’s desk at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks there for?”

  • A cowboy’s guide to life

    Never squat with yer spurs on.

  • Prioritizing

    A group of redneck friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

  • Mama’s Bible

    Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

  • Do not talk to my parrot

    Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.”

  • Punishment to fit the crime

    Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.

  • Four religious truths

    During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths: