• Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder

    Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and asks, “How is the singing career going?”

  • American at the Gates of Heaven

    An American, a Scot, and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

  • Four-letter words

    A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. After they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

  • Elian Gonzalez

    Survey data now shows that 98% of Jews approved Janet Reno’s retrieval of Elian Gonzalez. They knew what it was like to be trapped in Miami with relatives.

  • You may be a nerd

    Your stationery has fax number, two e-mail addresses, and your Internet address.

  • Teaching math

    Teaching Math in 1950:

  • Sayings for today

    Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

  • Teletubbie psychological test

    The following psychological test was developed by a think-tank of top U.S. and European psychologists. The results are incredibly accurate in describing your personality with one simple question:

  • GM responds to Bill Gates

    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated “If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

  • Appreciation

    Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration — that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper.

  • Wise child

    Five and half year-old Jennie answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home because he was performing an appendectomy.

  • Drumming up business

    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

  • New hearing aids

    Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

  • Rules for dating my daughter

    Rule One:

  • Windows source code

    GATES TO U.S.: ‘BRING MY SOURCE CODE BACK!’

  • The liberal UC San Francisco Math Placement Test

    1. Zelda and Jane were given a Rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of one mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?

  • The icing looked perfect

    A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When he had finished, he brought them to the table.

  • Un-happy birthday

    One man was explaining to another why he fired his secretary.

  • For sale: White Privilege Card

    For Sale: My White Privilege Card. Over 50 years old but in mint condition. Never been used. Reason for selling: It hasn’t done any thing for me! No free college, no free food, no free housing, no free anything. I’ve had to go to work every day of my life while paying a boatload of taxes to carry those who chose not to work. If interested, I prefer cash but willing to do an even trade for a Victim Card which seems much more widely accepted and comes with countless benefits.

  • Moses and the Red Sea

    Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.