Old people

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

Context is everything

Still trying to get my head around the fact that “take out” can mean food, dating, or murder.

Close enough

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to respond “CLOSE ENOUGH.”

Adam and Eve

If Adam and Eve had been Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

Friends with benefits

You know you are getting old when “friends with benefits” means knowing someone who can drive at night.

Exercising by remote

Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

New voice for Alexa and Siri

For those of you who don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversations, they are making a male version. It doesn’t listen to anything.

A gift from mom and dad

I just got a present labeled, “From Mom and Dad,” and I know darn well that Dad has no idea what’s inside.

Nothing rhymes with orange

A guy at work said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.”

Adult beverages

We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages … Metamucil and Ensure.

Pessimists, optimists, and realists

The pessimist complains about the wind.

I made a snowman

We received about 20 inches of snow this week. So …

Now it’s Christmas

It’s not Christmas until I see Hans Gruber fall off Nakatomi Plaza.

‘Twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the White House, not a creature was sniffing, not even Jill’s spouse.

Hansel and Gretel

The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.

This is how government works

This is how government works.

The most expensive vehicle to operate

The most expensive vehicle to operate in 2023.

Stop appropriating other cultures on Halloween

The farmer is the man who feeds them all

An Kansas farmer had a piece of creek bottom land that had never been developed. It was rocks and brush, and all messed up. He cleared the underbrush and hauled away the rocks, then cultivated the soil and planted a garden with every kind of vegetable. It flourished spectacularly and he was pretty proud of what he had done.

If home security was like border security