• Doctors vs. gun owners

    1. The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.
    2. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
    3. Accidental deaths per physician are 0.171. (US Dept. of Health and Human Services)
  • Anti-terrorist exercise this Saturday!

    As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4:00 p.m. Eastern Time, every American woman is asked to walk out of her house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

  • The Economy Is So Bad …

    CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

    Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren’t paying their taxes.

  • A Well-Planned Retirement

    Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars about $1.40 and coaches about $7. This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. Then, one day, he just didn’t turn up for work.

    “Oh well”, said Bristol Zoo Management, “we’d better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant.”

  • Guys’ Rules

    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note … these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

  • Recession, Depression, and Recovery

    Recession: When your neighbor loses his job.

    Depression: When you lose your job.

  • Great new work-out video

    Sweatin’ to the socialists.

  • A dog on a mission

    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

  • R-E-S-P-E-C-T

    A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

    His friend says, “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

  • Shouldn’t have asked

    A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?”

    “Yep,” the husband replied, “In-laws.”

  • School 1958 vs. School 2008

    Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

    1958 – Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car, and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.

  • Who is the better friend?

    This will dispel all rumors …

    If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment:

  • A good pun is it’s own re-word

    • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • Overcoming black magic

    An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The neighbors feared the man the most. He was constantly heard stating, “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

  • Male friendships are better

    Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t go home one night. The next morning she tells her husband that she slept over at a friend’s house. The man calls his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

  • Did he forget or just not give a darn?

    Rick forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry.

  • The best cookie recipe

    1 cup of water

  • You can’t take it with you

    A old man could feel he was going to die soon and, although he had been financially successful beyond his wildest dreams, he hated everyone, including others of his own family.

  • A fantasy fulfilled

    A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

  • Don’t try to test God

    A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.