• Christmas riddle

    Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer, and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?

  • Let’s solve everyone’s problems at once

    Everyone concentrates on the problems we’re having in this country currently: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, and alligators attacking people in Florida.

  • Do your stuff, dog

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first Man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

  • He kissed a frog

    A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.”

  • Cost-cutting measures

    DUE TO THE CURRENT FINANCIAL STATUS OF THE COMPANY. ALL EMPLOYEES ARE ENCOURAGED TO ADOPT THE FOLLOWING COST CUTTING MEASURES.

  • Praise the Lord

    An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout, “PRAISE THE LORD!”

  • All about women

    Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

  • Contradictions

    45. Act naturally

  • Proposed new Articles of the Constitution

    We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberals.

  • Failed bank robbery

    A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.”

  • Modern living

    1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

  • Barry the Marxist and Joe the Plumber

    Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it.

  • Types of women

    Ms. Nice Guy — “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have.” Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, main squeeze, doormat.
    Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.
    Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

  • Bill Clinton at the Pearly Gates

    Place: HEAVEN

  • No shoving

    A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Sunday School. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Please don’t let me be late!”

  • How to be irritating

    1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

  • Only in America

    Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

  • The old golfer

    A fellow was trying to get in a quick round of golf before heading home one afternoon. He was playing alone, but as he walked onto the first tee, an older man — senior citizen, actually — asked if he could join him.

  • Only 9 to go

    A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”

  • Almost there

    A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.