• Rules are rules

    Kim Jong Un

  • No coincidence

    As far as I’m concerned, it’s no coincidence that “bacon” rhymes with “awaken.”

  • Get out of the house and enjoy nature!

    Eagle attack

  • Undercover?

    cop hides behind sign

  • Imagine the savings

    used toilet paper

  • Show him your badge!

    A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher.

    He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”

  • How did everyone else my age get so old?

    Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old?

    As I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist, I noticed his full name on the diploma he had on the wall. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

  • AP: No more ‘illegal immigrants’

    And in a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news gathering outlet in the world, will no longer use the term “illegal immigrant.” That is out. No longer “illegal immigrant.” They will now use the phrase “undocumented Democrat.” That is the newest — “undocumented Democrat.”

  • Attempted murder

    attempted murder

  • Worst day of my life

    There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a really big, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.

    “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.

  • After Quasimodo’s death

    After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streeets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

    After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job.

  • Wild vehicles

    1

  • Mayan calendar explained

    Mayan calendar

  • Let him pass

    An elderly man is stopped by the police just after 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

    The man replies, “I am on my way to attend a lecture on the ill effects that gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse, smoking, and staying out late have on the human body.”

  • Finding Bin Laden

    Osama Bin Laden reportedly was living with three wives in one compound and never left the house in five years.

    It is now believed he called Seal Team 6 himself.

  • Words of wisdom from Leon Spinks

    “Why hurry when you’re already late?”

  • The perfect husband

    Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

  • Job available

    Position: Surveyor
    Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
    Qualification: Must be fast on your feet

  • You’ve reached tech support …

    This is India. It’s where companies outsource their technical support, so they don’t have to hire U.S. citizens.

  • What a working desk says about a person’s mind

    Buckley, Hentoff, Einstein, and Obama.