Department 21
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  • Ten jokes for today

    Policeman saw a woman knitting while driving the other day.
    “Pull over!” he shouted.
    “No, it’s a scarf!” she replied.

  • Six jokes for today

    I’ve just started work as a human chess piece. I’m on knights next week.

  • Seven jokes for today

    Just seen a very confusing book: “Ventriloquism for Dummies.”

  • My mommy, the exotic dancer

    One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living.

  • Five jokes for today

    If you buy sub-standard parts for your submarine, is that a good thing?

  • Important facts to remember as you grow older

    • Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
  • Five jokes for today

    What’s yellow and swings from tree to tree? Tarzipan.

  • Five jokes for today

    I’ve been reading the stats on the most common way drunks walk. It’s staggering.

  • Five jokes for today

    Hear about poor art thieves who bungled their getaway? They had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

  • Five jokes for today

    Why does Belgium get bigger every Christmas? Because Brussels Sprouts.

  • Five jokes for today

    Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.

  • The post turtle

    While doing an annual physical checkup of a 75 year old rancher, the doctor struck up a conversation with his patient. Eventually the topic got around to Obama’s job as president.

  • Yeah, we can tell

    Obama is my co-pilot

  • My neighbors aren’t real happy about this, but I’m saving a bundle …

    I’ve disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from Neighborhood Watch.

  • How did that happen?

    Sharks in the lobby

  • The secret’s out

    Secret nuclear bunker

  • The urbanite and the chain saw

    An urbanite is looking to get away from it all, so he buys a remote piece of property that has no utilities, although it does have a small cabin with a wood stove. To get wood for the stove, he decides to cut down some of the trees on his property. So, he goes to a hardware store and picks out a hand saw.

  • Worst parents of the year

    1

  • What causes arthritis?

    A disheveled man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway car next to a priest.

  • The beauty of love

    An old man lay dying in his bed when lo and behold, he smelled the aroma of his favorite food — chocolate chip cookies — wafting up the stairs.

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Gnome Sayings, by Noam Saenz