Cyclists must obey all road signs

Am I lucky, or what?

I’ve won a Kenyan Lottery, according to an e-mail I just received from a Nigerian prince! He has 5 MILLION DOLLARS, and he wants to send it to me FREE! All I have to do is give him all my BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS so he can transfer the money!

The U.S. Air Force: Solving problems since 1947

Air Force General: “Mr. President, we’ve just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One.”

Seen on the streets of Bismarck, ND

Gracie Allen’s Classic Roast Beef Recipe

1 large roast of beef

Creative homeless signs

High school graduation in Detroit

A student played high school football in Detroit. He was a great running back, but a really poor student.

Next time, write it down

An elderly couple returns home from meeting with a doctor about their increasingly frequent bouts of forgetfulness. The doctor recommended that they write down as much as they can to help them remember what they’ve done, and what they need or want to do.

Getting to heaven

A Sunday School teacher was testing children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

Punography

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die they barium.

New arrivals

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The koala and the lizard

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint.

President’s day

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year old granddaughter and I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”

Get connected with Kronies action figures

Get Kronies! Get connected!

Meanwhile, in Russia

Global warming, Russian style.

That’s one clever cat

FLIR video

FLIR = Farts Look Incredibly Stygian.*

WWJD?

In Washington, D.C., an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

Things that make you cry out ‘Lord help me!’

10 pet peeves dogs have about humans

• Blaming your farts on me. Not funny … not funny at all !!!